fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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