They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
