sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Pants are for mortals
COCAINE IS GR8
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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