i just sent this text using only my big toe
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
