I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
