No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
