I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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