he wants to bone in the snuggie
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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