i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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