I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
