he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
