Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
