If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
are you so shy because you have an std?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
