theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Randomize
