You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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