Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
