The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
