Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
