You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.