Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE