I'm retarded. Again.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick