so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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