Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
