Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
