I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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