I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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