Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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