I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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