Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
