I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
