sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
