billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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