I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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