The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
