i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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