Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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