Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
