You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Randomize
