I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
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I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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