Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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