It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
