i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So many bounce houses so little time
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
