Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
