Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
