How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
