Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I puked a lego.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
