do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i think my cat just said my name.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
