I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
