woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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