He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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