do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
