i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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