If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
