How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
