John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Is it because I queefed?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
