Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
