cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
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Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
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I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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