What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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