Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
