apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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