Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
