i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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