When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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