i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
