I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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