that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
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Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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