I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Ladies don't puke and tell
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
