Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
