i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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