If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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