At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
