eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
