I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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