can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
